| do you ever wonder why we are living ? why the world is such a messed up place and we have to suffer in it ? have you ever wished you were dead ? do you ever think what would it be like for the ones you see everyday if you were to die ? do you ever think why cant i just be dead ? ever think it would just be so much easier if we didn't have to live anymore . ever think about dieing ? wonder about the reason of living ? do you have a reason to be here ? do you feel like things are so pointless that you don't want to be apart of the world anymore ? i do , i feel like it wouldn't matter if i died right now . i feel so ungrateful when i have everything anyone could want at my age , but for some reason something deep down inside me feels so unimportant . i feel like my existence is pointless . like it wouldn't matter if i died , that no one would care but my family . it seems so lonely in this world . im surrounded by millions of people but i feel lonely , loss , and nothing . i have no reason to be living , im doing no good for anyone , not my friends , family , or even myself . it seems so unsatisfying , im surrounded by everything i could ask for but it doesn't feel like its enough , it seems like the quantity of everything could triple and id still feel this way . i could be a multimillionaire and be married to the most famous man in the world and id still be lonely . im never satisfied . nothing is ever good enough for me and i don't know why . it has begun to creep inside my soul that living isn't even good enough anymore . i don't like living , its as simple as that , im annoyed , i hate almost everyone around me everyday , every time someone talks to me i get overly annoyed . my adrenaline doesn't ever rush anymore , my anxiety has stopped , i don't care about the person that was once the most important person to me . my parents try and try to get through to me but Ive given up on everything . sometimes i forget to miss the old days , and i used to think about them every second . i miss my grandpa , that's all i ever think about anymore . im feeling like Ive hit rock bottom but no one understands . my best friend half understands but there is so many things deep down that i still haven't come to tell her . i miss being little when i didn't know about this ridiculous world . i just don't want to be apart of it anymore . and there is no where to run . no matter where i were to everything is going to follow me there is no way out . what if everyone had an off button , then what ? there would be no one in the world . no one wants to be in the ruts , but everyone hits rock bottom , unfortunately Ive been chilling down here for so long that it seems like there is no way out . i just want to be alone , i don't want to talk to anyone anymore , and again i say no one believes me , its just a joke to everyone that im truly depressed and i don't know what to do , im hurting every single day and i cant stop this feeling , i laugh and pretend to have a good time everyday but that's not the real me but i cant let anyone see the real me ... ever . |
